How to Help Your Child Build Resilience Against Anxiety
Resiliency is being able to bounce back from difficulties. Anxiety and challenges are simply a part of life. As much as we might want to shield children from any struggles, it's impossible. Children must be equipped with the tools to navigate these challenges head-on.
Parents play an important role in this process and can help children navigate tough times by helping them learn that setbacks are opportunities for growth. This is done by creating a safe space for children to express their emotions, being open and honest with children, and even sharing your personal experiences of hardships with them. With the proper support and guidance, children can learn the resiliency skills needed to face life's ups and downs confidently.
Understanding Anxiety in Children: Signs and Causes
Just like adults, children experience anxiety. They might complain of a stomachache or other unexplained pains, express persistent worries, or seem cranky or irritable. These signs are potential indicators of anxiety rather than just typical childhood behavior.
Many things can cause anxiety in children. If a family struggles with anxiety, it increases the likelihood that the child will develop anxiety. Anxious parenting can also inadvertently model anxious behaviors for children, making them more susceptible. Life experiences—like the arrival of new siblings, a change of schools, or social challenges—can also trigger anxiety.
Anxiety can affect a child's well-being, strain friendships, and hinder academic performance. When anxiety goes unaddressed, it can create a cycle that's difficult for children to break. This can result in even more stress, low self-esteem, and depression. When these signs and causes are understood, parents can better support their children and help them navigate their feelings with compassion and care.
Creating a Supportive Space for Your Child's Emotions
Creating a supportive and safe environment for your child is necessary for their emotional well-being. Children often have big reactions to things that seem small to adults—like a sweater not fitting or when they are given what they perceive as the "wrong" snack. While these issues might appear trivial, they can feel monumental to a child and need to be met where they are.
For instance, saying, "You have other sweaters to choose from. Try the blue one," can make the child feel dismissed, judged, and invalidated. A statement like that will often be met with hostility and defensiveness and spiral into an argument. Try saying, "It's really frustrating when things don't go as you planned." This acknowledges their feelings and tells the child you understand and can empathize with them. Validation encourages your child to open up and confide in you, reinforcing trust and connection.
It's natural to want to fix problems, but addressing emotions with empathy should come first. Children don't like feeling like they're a burden or need to be "fixed." They crave connection and understanding more than solutions.
Consistency is another vital aspect of building trust. Establishing predictable routines—whether it's a morning ritual, an after-school routine, or a bedtime routine—provides a sense of stability. When children know what to expect, it reduces anxiety and creates a comforting environment where they can thrive emotionally. By combining empathy with consistency, you can help your child navigate their feelings and build resilience over time.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques for Children
Incorporating mindfulness and relaxation techniques can be a fun and effective way to help your child manage anxiety. One enjoyable exercise is to have them focus on their favorite baked treat—like warm chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. Invite them to describe the cookies in detail:
Sound: What does the timer sound like when the cookies are ready?
Sight: Are they smooth or bumpy? What shape do they take?
Smell: How do the cookies smell as they come out of the oven?
Touch: Are they hot or cold?
Deep Breathing: Have them take a big breath and blow gently on the cookies to cool them down.
Taste: Finally, ask them to imagine the taste—are they crunchy or soft?
This exercise engages their senses and incorporates mindfulness, deep breathing, and visualization, allowing your child to be fully present in the moment.
When your child faces a challenge, help them see that it's okay to encounter difficulties and that they can manage them with the right tools and mindset.
Positive self-talk is essential in building resilience. How parents speak to their children lays the foundation for how they view themselves. As children grow, they internalize the words parents use. Make it a point to speak kindness and truth into their lives. Remind them of their strengths and capabilities, fostering a belief in themselves that will carry them through tough times.
Embracing Failure as a Learning Opportunity
Allowing your child to experience failure is essential for building resilience. While it's hard to watch them struggle, these are the moments when they will learn to overcome challenges and grow. Whether learning to ride a bike, trying out for the basketball team, or inviting a new friend out, every attempt is an opportunity for growth.
When your child faces disappointment, it's important to empathize with their feelings. Acknowledge their emotions by saying, "It's really sad to not make the basketball team." Validation shows them that it's okay to feel upset and that their feelings matter.
Celebrate their efforts too! Recognize their bravery by saying, "You were very brave to take a risk and try something new." This helps them understand that effort is just as important as the outcome.
Encourage them by saying, "You can practice after school and try out again next year, or you could explore a different activity." This reframing encourages resilience and keeps their spirits high.
Finally, offer your support: "Do you want me to help you or just cheer you on?" Letting them know you're there for them reinforces their confidence and shows them they're not alone in facing challenges. By navigating failure together, you help them develop the tools they need to come back stronger.
Teaching Your Child the Art of Friendship
Children are learning to navigate relationships and need guidance to form meaningful connections with others. To have a friend, they have to be a friend. Teach them the qualities of being a good friend: sharing, offering kind words, and being open to others' interests. This helps cultivate empathy and strengthens their relationships.
As they grow, remind your child that having different groups of friends is okay. Having a diverse circle of friends can be beneficial, especially during middle and high school. Friendships can change, and it's inevitable that they may experience conflicts or falling-outs. When this happens, having other friends to lean on can prevent feelings of isolation and provide emotional support.
Help your child understand that friendships are a two-way street built on mutual respect and understanding. By equipping them with these skills, you're helping them make friends and fostering resilience and emotional intelligence to serve them well throughout their lives.
The Power of Role Modeling: Showing Kids How to Cope
Parents are often seen as the ultimate role models for their children. Kids look up to their parents, believing they are perfect, have no struggles, and can do whatever they want. This can make them feel isolated in their own challenges. To bridge that gap, consider sharing your experiences with anxiety and how you've worked through it. By opening up about your struggles, you foster connection and teach your child that it's okay to face difficulties.
When you encounter stressful situations, instead of sending your child to another room, invite them to witness how you cope. Model for them your healthy strategies—whether deep breathing, journaling, or taking a walk to clear your mind. This transparency helps demystify anxiety and demonstrates that everyone faces challenges, including parents.
By modeling healthy coping mechanisms, you empower your child to understand that they, too, can navigate their feelings. This creates a safe space for them to express their emotions and seek guidance, reinforcing the idea that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
Recognizing When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your child may need additional support for anxiety. Persistent anxiety that interferes with daily activities—like school, friendships, or family life—can be an indicator. Children may also express physical symptoms, such as frequent stomachaches or headaches, without clear medical causes. Noticeable changes in behavior, increased irritability, or withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed are also red flags. A drop in academic performance or consistent avoidance of anxiety-triggering situations may further suggest that professional help is needed.
Building resilience in children involves several vital strategies:
Supporting emotional expression
Validating feelings
Teaching coping strategies and mindfulness techniques
Modeling healthy behaviors
Promoting social skills
It's essential to remain patient and supportive throughout this process, as resilience takes time to develop. Remember, resilience is a lifelong journey; equipping your child with the necessary tools now will help them face future challenges with confidence and strength.